Suicide: A Love Story [1st Draft]

In a mental hospital, a patient sat in a chair in front of a therapist’s desk. He was very calm, amused and curious about the decor, the photos and things that told him about the therapist.

The patient was Mark Abel, 53, an apparently successful and contented man who made enough money to retire earlier than most. He had a wife and two children. His wife left him after the children left the home in their mid-20's. She remarried and has raised her second husband's child. Mark had several relationships since then, but none lasted very long. His daughters have their own lives. One is close to her mother, the other is detached from both of her parents. She married an Orthodox Jew and moved to Israel.

Mark had been hospitalized because he attempted suicide by ingesting pills. He was discovered by a housekeeper in the morning. He was rushed to the hospital and was in a coma for three days. Eventually, he recovered. The hospital psych recommended transfer to the psych unit after Mark casually stated that he would “do it better next time.” Mark had willingly committed himself after being assured that the commitment was for no longer than 14 days.

Mark began to think about dying because he lost interest in life. His mother died a year ago of cancer after suffering from Alzheimer’s for 5 years. His father had killed himself 3 days later.

But those facts were only the spark of his decision to end his life. He had not disclosed the true reason. Maybe he didn’t really know, himself, what it was. But he had made up his mind.

The shrink was Marilyn Asher. She was 47, twice divorced. Childless. She had married in college to a medical doctor, and settled into a suburban existence, considered herself a trophy wife. Bored, she had affairs and divorced after a minor scandal. She returned to college, earned a degree in medicine to prove to her ex-husband and his friends that she could surpass him. She gravitated to psychiatry after her second husband, also a doctor, left her for a younger version of herself. She became depressed, self-medicated and became addicted to anti-depressants. She had suicidal thoughts and one weak attempt. She underwent therapy and when “cured” returned to do her psychiatric residency.

The first therapy session went something like this:

Marilyn
Why did you try to kill yourself?

Mark
Why do you want to know?

Marilyn
So I can understand you.

Mark
What if you do?

Marilyn
To help you.

Mark
To help me kill myself? No, of course not. Sorry.

Marilyn
You still want to.

Mark
No comment.

Marilyn
You were heard to say, 'I’ll do it better next time.'

Mark
You think that means I’m going to try again to kill myself?

Marilyn
Doesn’t it?

Mark
Maybe I meant that I’ll do better in my next life.

Marilyn
Okay, is that what you meant?

Mark
What do you believe?

Marilyn
I’m afraid you mean to end your life. The question is why.

Mark
Either way you pose a danger to me.

Marilyn
How so?

Mark
For one thing, if I say my life sucks,you’ll diagnose me as depressed, and prescribe anti-depressants. If I say that I am tired of life and expect to do better in the next life, you’ll find another category which amounts to being insane and you’ll have me involuntarily committed. But if I just don’t say why, then you can’t do a damn thing.

Marilyn
I see.

Mark
Okay. Now you’ve got me pegged
as hostile, and that goes against me.

Marilyn
Not at all.

Mark
Bullshit. I am hostile, at least
to the way you see your job."

Marilyn
How do you know how I see my job?

Mark
Now, who’s hostile?
Anyway, you’re trying to save a life.
That’s noble, I suppose.
Taking your Hippocratic Oath seriously.

Marilyn
Shouldn’t I?

Mark
Well, I don’t care to get into a philosophical debate about quality of life or dignity.

Marilyn
Isn’t it about those issues?

Mark
Not interested in issues.
I don’t want to be an issue or a cause.

Marilyn
Neither am I, really.
I’m not here for a cause.

Mark
Are you pro-choice or right to life?

Marilyn
Do you mean as regards abortion?

Mark
What’s the difference whether we’re talking about the start of living or the ending of it? It’s still about choice - except the sperm or foetus doesn’t get the choice. Should I have the same choice as a foetus?

Marilyn
I suppose. But it's not the same, is it?

Mark
Well, I think I have a good enough reason to want to end my life. I always hated those movie biographies about famous people. You know, complete lives don’t make great drama. Ray Charles became repetitive and irrelevant. He just got old, so they wisely ended the movie half way through it. Same with Johnny Cash. Imagine what the bio of Brando or Orson Welles is going to look like.

Marilyn
You think the rest of your life is irrelevant?
Or that you’ve become grotesque?

Mark
Maybe I’m just bored.

Marilyn
Okay, so its about love, then?

Mark
I’ve had all the love I want or need.

Marilyn
Have you? What if you meet someone tomorrow?

Mark
I don’t want to. Don’t have the energy to go through it again. No snappy comeback for that one? Could it be you’re kind of feeling the same?

Marilyn
We go through periods of feeling that way.
It doesn’t mean I want to end it all.

Mark
Fair enough. That’s okay for you.
If I were you, I’d probably feel the same.

Marilyn
Why?

Mark
I just have the sense that you’re going to find someone or some thing to keep you interested. But if you dont in say 10 years, you may tire of the game, too.

Marilyn
Maybe

Mark
Okay so there I am.

By the end of the session, Marilyn knew that she was desperately in love with Mark but didn't know how to tell him.

In the middle of the second session the next day, the answer came to her. She told him that if he dies, she will die, too.
When Mark was late for his session on the third day, Marilyn went to his room. She found him there. He had swallowed half of the pills in a bottle. Marilyn took the rest.

They were both found and taken to the hospital and he was revived. He discovered that she was also alive. He went to her room, sat beside her bed. She awakened, drowsily saw his face.

Their conversation went like this:

Marilyn
Where are we?

Mark
Not heaven.

Marilyn
I was hoping.

Mark
It's okay. You win.

Marilyn
Win What?

Mark
Me. For whatever that’s worth.

Marilyn
How did I win?

Mark
I tested you and you passed.

Marilyn
That's nice. How?

Mark
Suicide attempts are a cry for help, aren't they?
That's what you said?

Marilyn
Yes.

Mark
So I called for help -- before you came.

Marilyn
You knew that I would find you.
But how did you know what I would do?

Mark
I didn’t. But I had to find out.
You had 3 choices. You could have done nothing,
respecting my choice to die.
Or you could have tried to revive me.
Or you could have done what you did.

Marilyn
You bastard.

Mark
I know. It was a risk.
But some risks are worth it.